Life Lately

Day 15 of Blogtember: life lately.

I've sort of written a couple life lately posts in the last week or so... shame on me for not thinking ahead to today's post topic! But life, lately... is good. Really, really good. I am happy. Our house isn't ready yet, or anywhere near ready, but they started bricking the outside last week, and dropped off all the drywall, which was encouraging. Then it failed a few insulation inspections and it rained for like 50035973513 days, so of course more delays, more delays, more delays.

But I have my little family and I have my passion for the work I'm doing right now, and we've been blessed with our first set of incredibly beautiful fall mornings, and that is just a breath of fresh air.   There have been movies and popcorn and cuddling and date nights and coffee in bed each morning and new rules going forward to show love with conduct instead of just words. It's a good plan, and it's been working, and our lives are happier for it.

Hope you have a great Monday!

*Prior Blogtember link-ups are missing at the moment, but should be back online soon!

Friday thoughts

Matthew and I watched about two hours of crime shows before we went to bed last night - kind of grizzly stuff about serial killers and rapists and women being attacked and going missing. And then we went to bed, and it turns out that shit affected us more than we thought, because he had a horrible nightmare about me being abducted and murdered and stuffed into a trash shoot, and then when he woke me up to cuddle, I was disoriented and confused and thought he was an intruder coming to murder me, and I almost clobbered him. I didn�t know why he was being so sweet and tender at the time, but I wondered if he could hear my heart pounding before I settled into his arms and drifted back off to sleep.

I don�t really know why I�m telling that story, but I guess because I�m feeling so grateful this morning. I know we live in a world full of a lot of horror, and in a strange way it was nice to be reminded of our fears - sometimes your greatest fears help you to realize what you value and cherish most deeply. It�s always a good thing, to be reminded of that.

Matthew starts an internship with the Supreme Court of Texas today.  I still smell his cologne on my pjs from our hug before he left. I am so proud of him.  And I just wanted to say that, because I feel it more than ever this morning.

Sorry for my rambling. Check out today's featured SOML sponsors - maybe they'll have something a little more cohesive to say than I do! ;) Happy Friday...

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Rachel is the mastermind behind the sweet blog Postcards from Rachel - I think you'll really love this one! The blog started while Rachel and her husband were expats living in Scotland, but now documents their time living back in the States. You can go right over here for an excellent introduction to Postcards from Rachel, and if you're on Instagram, you may find today's post really useful and fun, too!

Blog | Facebook | Twitter

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Serendipitous Whimsicality is an adorable blog co-authored by two adorable best friends, Ellie and Fatima. I really enjoyed this post by Ellie about her recent trip to Guatemala (more posts on the trip here!). These two also produce the occasional fashion and travel posts. Drop by and say hello to these two cute bloggers! :)

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The Mermaid Chronicles is a favorite blog of mine by the ever-lovely Devon, an incredible writer, photographer, and surfer. Her words and photos tell a story that draws you in and keeps you there. Check out her amazing sailing trip to the Seychelles, and don't miss today's tour of her and her husband's adorable beach-bungalow-themed home. The before and after photos are stunning. Apparently we can add interior decorator to Devon's list of talents, as well!  ;)

Blog | Instagram | Bloglovin

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Have a great weekend! 

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The end of one era, the beginning of another

Today might just be another Wednesday for you, but for us, it's a big, big day. A special occasion, really. The end of something we're not sad to see go. The beginning of something else, even though we're not quite sure what that will look like...

Once again, I haven't been completely honest with my blog. For the last two years, actually!  August 15th, 2011, I wrote a post about Matthew starting up law school, and now here we are, almost August of 2013, and he is pretty much done. The guy crammed a three year program into two, because he's crazy like that, and while he won't graduate officially until December or take the bar until February, we are done with living apart.

See how I slipped that in there? Living apart! For the last two years, I only saw my husband on weekends and holidays, because he went to school in a different city. Sometimes he wouldn't come home a weekend at all, if he had too much work to do, or finals to study for. I've spent more time alone in the last two years than ever before in my life, and of course it was lonely and frustrating at times, for both of us. For safety reasons I never broadcasted that I was living alone all week, even though it was such a big part of my life the last two years. It's hard to keep that kind of thing quiet, you know? When all you want to do is scream, "I WANT A NORMAL LIFE! I WANT A HUSBAND! THIS ISN'T WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR!"

I say that with a smile on my face, really. We survived it. In fact, I'd even go as far as to say we thrived during this period, especially in our own separate endeavors. Matthew and I are both really independent individuals, we both had plenty of our own stuff going on to keep us busy, and I actually wonder if his living away during the week made the whole thing a little easier on both of us. Like, an out of sight, out of mind type of thing. Since we weren't living together, I couldn't focus on the fact that he was always studying and never had time for me. Instead, I just did my own thing. Kept up my blog, started my business, made lots of relationships here in Austin. It worked out, and now, tonight, he'll come home and this will be over. We'll have to acclimate to each other again, find a new routine. But I think we're both so excited for that... it's like letting out a breath you've been holding for a long time. A sigh of relief. "Real life" won't start until he gets a job after the bar, but wait, scratch that. THIS IS real life. It's our real life now. Being together again. Learning to put someone else at the same level of priority as yourself. Waiting for our new home to be finished. Enjoying time with my mom in the meantime. Dreaming about the future. Working hard to make that future happen. This is real life NOW. We always have to remind ourselves to stop waiting for it to begin, when it truly already has.

Anyway, PHEW. It feels good to get that off my chest. I'm so excited for what's to come, you guys! Matthew and I really want to have FUN this next year. He still has lots of work and studying for the bar to do, and he starts an internship this fall, but we want to try lots of new things (remember the Happy documentary?) and really work on our relationship before bringing little spawns into the picture. Wish us luck. ;)

*PS - I feel the need to apologize for the quality of that picture up top there. We snapped it on my phone at our new house last night, not thinking it would ever be shared, but it turns out I don't have many pictures of me and Matthew together... since you, know, I barely saw the guy the last couple years. ;)

*PPS - crazy how much progress there's been on our house in barely over a week, right?? They just started framing last Monday!

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Happy.

The other day Matthew came home from school and announced that he was a changed man. He had watched a documentary on Netflix called �Happy,� and he had decided that he was ready to try lots of new things and have lots of new experiences. According the documentary, intentional behaviors and novel experiences make up a whopping 40% of one�s total happiness, and Matthew says he�s ready to claim that slice of his pie, so to speak.

This brand new outlook of his pleased me greatly. I am all about trying new things and having new experiences (maybe that�s why I�m a generally happy person?), and thus far, I often didn�t feel I had him on board with me in that regard. I mean, I totally understand that he�s been a little busy with law school the past couple of years, so he got a free pass for a while. But now that school is winding down (he only has two more weeks, omg), things are about to get real. Pretty soon maybe we�ll have some semblance of a normal life, and we�ll be able to incorporate normal activities and habits into our lives. We have grand plans about how fantastic that will be. But happiness only exists in the right now, right? You have to figure out how to be that now, or you�ll never figure out how to be it.

So out of curiousity, I watched the Happy documentary, too. Have you seen it? It�s a few years old now, I believe. (Here's a short trailer.) I was both intrigued and touched by it. It covers happiness research over the last 25+ years and people�s stories all over the globe, and it was just so great to be reminded that there�s so much more beyond our little bubbles, so many other ways to be and so many other definitions of happiness. According the research, only 10% of our happiness comes from things like our wealth, our health, our jobs, and our social status.  50% of our happiness comes from our genetic makeup, which I found especially interesting. The documentarly claims that most of us are born with a set happiness range that we typically fall into, regardless of whether good or bad things happen to us. I find that to be pretty true with myself and people in my life.

And the final 40% is that intentional behavior. Researchers recommend making even the tiniest changes in your routine, like running a different route on your jog or going to a different grocery store or what have you. It�s all about tricking your brain to produce more dopamine, the happiness chemical.  So if you�re someone who often finds themself in a rut or even depressed or just not as happy as you�d like to be, perhaps try signing up for a cooking or pottery or watercolor class, or hitting up a new lunch spot, or just taking a different route on your drive home. Worth a shot. ;)

What type of activities do you find make you most happy? Personally, I get a mini-happiness-high whenever I�m around dogs, beautifully presented food, and when I�m doing things that fulfill me, like writing and photography. It also feels really great to connect with other humans - whether they be people already in my life, or someone I just met in line at the grocery store.

Hope you have a happy Wednesday. :)

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Priorities.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about priorities. We all have them, and it's easy to determine what yours are. What do you do every day?  That's it! Those are your priorities. Even if they're things you feel you have to do, by taking the action to do them, you're making them a priority. It's a choice. And you can make other choices. You can make other things your priorities, and adjust your life to allow room for those new things.  That's just what I'm learning lately.

I am a little mouse who needs to have that hunk of cheese dangling over her head to get anything done. I've become more aware lately of my, shall we say, declining physical fitness, but it's just so hard to get in a routine of exercise when it's not really something you enjoy and you always feel too busy for it and ______(insert excuse)______ and ______(insert excuse)______ and______(insert excuse)______. But then I scheduled a boudoir session with a photographer friend in July (she needs the practice, and I've always wanted to have these photos done for Matthew!), and all of the sudden, I'm like IWILLGETTHISBOOTYINSHAPESOHELPMEGOD. So I've made time in my day for exercise. All of the other excuses for why I couldn't do it before have gone by the wayside, and I started riding my bike or doing other cardio and exercises every morning. At first, it was really hard and miserable. Now I'm starting to build strength and stamina, and seeing that progress is really exhilarating and empowering. I feel so good every day. The blood is flowing, my heart feels healthy and happy, my body feels like it's working as it's meant to, I'm more productive, and hopefully soon things that are getting mooshy will get un-mooshy.

But here's the thing of it all. There is absolutely no reason I couldn't have done all of this before I scheduled that photo session. It was my priorities that shifted. You make time for what you want to make time for. Human beings are quite resilient and quite capable of doing difficult things if their heads are in the game.  I guess I just wanted to encourage those of you who have aspirations to do, well, whatever it is you want to do, to find a way to get your head in the game. To switch your priorities around. If you aren't doing what you want to be doing on a project of some sort that is completely within your capacity to complete, then it's time for a new plan and a change of priorities. Figure out what it will take to get you motivated, and make that happen.

That's my pep talk for today, for both you and me. Happy Thursday! :)

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Dear Matthew

Day 13. Issue a public apology. Don't worry, this will only be marginally uncomfortable for all of us.

*

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*he hates having his picture taken. It is physically painful for him.

Dear Matthew,

When you and I met over four years ago, you really had no idea what you were getting into, did you? And neither did I, to be fair. People tend to be on their best behavior in the beginning of a relationship, and then sometimes, as time passes and life happens, you start to learn some things about the inner workings of a person, the way they're wired, and sometimes you're really impressed and sometimes you're taken aback or concerned or annoyed or what have you.  All that's normal, of course. However, I feel the need to publicly announce how sorry I am that you got stuck with someone with as severe PMS and overall emotional instability as me. Of course, this emotional instability is only seasonal (approximately two weeks out of every month), but still. That's a good chunk of our life you spend juggling my mood swings, snappiness, random bursts of crying during Pedigree or ASPCA commercials, questioning the meaning of life, yelling at you, tired apathy, incessant complaining, and/or general moping about. I'm afraid that most everyone else gets the best version of me, and so often you're the only one that sees the worst. It's not really fair. 

The truth is that you are quite constant, even in your traits that drive me crazy, but I am not. You walk a precarious line, never sure which version of Jenni you'll face today. And that must be difficult. You're a saint for putting up with it and loving me anyway. I really am sorry for what I so often put you through, and I really am so thankful that you choose every day (every minute, sometimes) to love me anyway. I admire you so much, though sometimes your awesomeness only pisses me off more, in the moment, because it's hard to stand next to someone who stays on such an utterly straight and narrow path comprised of perfect discipline and go-getterness that I wish I had. Maybe over time your steadfastness will rub off on me, and some of my good traits will rub off on you a little, too. I see it happening a bit already, and it makes me smile. Hopefully we don't just drive each other completely bat-shit-crazy in the interim. Love, love, love you,  

Jenni

I miss...

Blog Every Day in May topic: What do you miss?

I sat down to write this post and, as usual when I try to tackle this topic, I was left with the proverbial lump in my throat and no right words. So instead of words, I decided to make a little video of what I miss. It probably would have been easier to just write the post, since I must have cried 47 times while putting this together. Maybe it won't mean as much to you if you're not a part of my family, but if you've been following this blog long enough, well... I suppose you might as well be a part of my family. :) Here's a little tribute to the things I miss...

I miss... from Jenni D on Vimeo.

*music on this video is called "The Winner Is" from the Little Miss Sunshine movie soundtrack

*read a little more about people I've lost here - start at the end, if you're new around these parts

Homeless

I don't even know where to begin. It feels so strange to say this, but as of this morning, we are officially homeless. Signed over our beautiful home to a new family. Left all of the blood, sweat, and tears in the past behind us. Closed a chapter. Wiped the slate clean.

Or more accurately, we have officially sold our home and moved in with my poor mother. ;) Even though this process has consumed my life for the last month, I haven't written about it here for safety and privacy reasons, but now that the home is in the new buyer's posession, I'm free as a bird to lay down this burden of information. Do you know what it's like to have a blog called "Story of My Life" and not be able to share this massive thing going on behind the scenes?! Ha! It feels weird, that's how it feels. I'm not very good at keeping secrets... we're talking sweaty palms and nervous trembling here. I would never pass a lie detector test. Any time I try to be sneaky, I get caught. So it's been weird keeping this from my blog. 

Truth be told, I am beyond exhausted. Too tired to feel very much emotion. Matthew and I did the work of five burly men and a team of housekeepers in one four day weekend by ourselves. Every night we fell into bed, bruised, sometimes bleeding, feet and back and hips and shoulders so sore we could barely walk, and then we started over again the next day. I feel like a 70 year old woman, and if I feel that way, I can't even imagine how Matthew feels. That man never ceases to amaze me. He did all the hardest work for us, and now he has finals to take the next two weeks. Major props to that guy. We are both going to be super pleased when this whole "law school" thing is over. ;)

But yes, our home... our beautiful, beautiful home that we poured ourselves into and completely transformed the last three years... it's now a memory. And I'm OK with that, I think. I haven't shed a single tear (yet). It just wasn't right for us anymore. We were living beyond our means while Matthew is in school, and piling on so much more stress than necessary, so we're downsizing to something smaller and more affordable but lovely just the same. The new home won't be built until early fall (FINGERS CROSSED), so until that time, we are living with my mom and Norman (the basset-weinie), and we are so, sooooo grateful to be here. There will be lots of adjusting and tweaking to do (most notably with Gracie and Cooper, who want to slap Norman on a bun with a little ketchup, mustard, and relish and eat him for dinner), but we will manage and I think we might even have FUN. Thank God for family, especially when you even really like each other.

So that, my friends, is my confession. The little secret I've been keeping. Feels good to get it off my chest! I can't wait to continue sharing this crazy, beautiful life with all of you... there's so much more good to come.

Here's a few phone photos I snapped of the house when we finally got every last bit of our stuff out... it looked so pretty, and of course I felt a twinge of sadness... but then I remembered what a bitch it was to keep clean, and didn't feel so sad anymore. ;)

Goodbye, house. It's been real. 

If you're new around these parts, check out some house tour posts from the past! Or take a little trip down memory lane with me....

Master bedroom *you better believe we're redoing that gallery wall in the new house!

Kitchen nook

Dining room

Kitchen

House at Christmas

Snaps from a rainy morning

turn the speakers up. close your eyes. listen.

 

We woke up to a cool and rainy morning, and something about that little change in the weather inspired me to snap a few photos. We have a lot going on right now... things I can't talk about just yet, but will in due time. Anyway, those "things" are consuming so much of my thoughts and time, but more than ever I'm enjoying little moments and simple pleasures, especially while there's so much scariness out there in the world, and you just don't know what the next day's news might bring.

So many other people have better things to say than I do this morning, so here's a few links to browse, if you're interested...

"stop instagramming your perfect life"

naked yoga?! (thanks, but no thanks.)

a beautiful article about Christianity and gay marriage.

I'm obsessed with this song and video. I think I've watched/listened 400 times. Nate Ruess, I love you...

Here's MIchael Grubbs from Wakey!Wakey! playing the song I included at the top of this post. Just saw him play here in Austin last weekend, and WOW. Talented (and hilarious) guy.

I've been chipping away at making some of these detox smoothies... yum!

Happy Thursday :)

Things she told me

I had tears in my eyes as I read your story. I'm so proud of you. I know whatever you want to be, you'll do it. 

I love your humanity, compassion, and insight.  I love you not only because you're my granddaughter, but because you're full of all the qualities I admire most. You have many more great qualities, but those are ones I treasure most. You are a treasure and a real person.

Hugs, 

Grandma Peggy

I've been reading old emails and comments from my Grandma, and this one stood out as possibly the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me and something I want to live up to the rest of my life. She wrote this back in 2008, on one of my old blogs that approximately two people read (my mom and my grandma). She has always been one of my biggest supporters. I realize that more fully now, which makes it hurt so much more deeply that she's gone. To lose that kind of light in your life--that kind of person who loves you how you need to be loved and is such a part of your history. It's a giant chasm that no one else can fill. Last night my mom came home from Oregon, and she gave me a bottle of my Grandma's favorite perfume, the one I remember her always smelling like. L'Air du Temps. Fragrances can so powerfully evoke the memory of a person. I pulled off the cap and breathed it in, and then came the tears.

* * * * *

Do you realize how much your words can mean to someone? The things you say and do, the trail you leave in your life... they are your legacy. You can change the world with them. You can change people, and that's the same thing as changing the world.  Lately I've been more keenly aware of the trail I leave behind me. The things people will remember me by when I'm gone. 

Humanity, compassion, and insight. Powerful words, and I can't tell you how much it means to know she saw those things somewhere in me...

3 years of marital blish

No my friends, that's not a typo up there. I just made up a new word. It means bliss-ish. Kind of sort of bliss, but not really.  Read on.

Today is me and Matthew's three year wedding anniversary... we met almost exactly one year before our wedding, so we've been together now about four years. Four years! I know some of you lifers say pashaaww, that's nothing. But to me, it's something. It's now the longest relationship I've been in, which is pretty neat.

I get a lot of visitors to our love story, and a lot of emails thanking me for writing it. The other day I reread the thing in its entirety, and while it brought back some lovely memories and totally made me smile, I couldn't help but think how very incomplete the story is. How much has happened since. How much we've learned, changed, grown, and are still growing. And I feel like it's time I set the record straight on how I feel about marriage. Or mine, anyway.

When you're in a relationship - married or just dating - and especially if you're having some routine problems like most people do at some point, it's easy to look at other couples, or read blogs about other couples, and feel inferior. You start to hear this little voice inside that's saying "they seem happier than you do. more compatible. her husband is totally more handy than yours. more fashionable. more agreeable. more successful. they probably make a ton of money. they probably have sex five times a week. I bet they don't argue about the dumb shit we do. I bet she's a better wife, and never complains. I bet he's a better husband, and treats her like a queen." And so on and so forth.

And you know what? Maybe some of those things are true. Maybe they really are the perfect couple, and maybe they really are happier than you, at this moment in time. I guess I can't really speak for all those other hypothetical perfect couples. But I can speak for us. And let me tell you, marriage can get rough sometimes. You know all that stuff I said in our love story about the law of attraction? Totally still true, but it gets more difficult to implement that law when life starts chucking lemons at you, when the day in and day out gets real monotonous, when you have health issues, work issues, financial problems, the stress of continuing education (hello, law school!), family drama, personal problems, or when you find you disagree on major issues or the direction of your lives. What do you do then?

I'm chuckling to myself, because Matthew and I have been through it all these past few years. Only a few people know the full story. Just last year we were hanging on by a thread... there was lots of anger and tears and marriage counseling and tweaking this and tweaking that, and I'm only writing this now because I'm confident we've come out on the other side.  (oh, and you thought you knew everything about us by reading this blog? proof that blogs are just a peek, right here!)

But what is the point in telling you all this? Have we discovered the perfect formula for a successful marriage? I wish we did, folks, I wish we did. I wanted to express to you, though, that it's OK if your story doesn't look like a fairytale. Ours started out pretty blissful, but fairytales leave off at happily ever after, don't they? They never really get into the real stuff about cohabiting with someone, about traveling through life with them and taking the hard punches together, making babies together and the stresses that entails, changing together as humans often do, and continuing to love despite that change. So many marriages end in divorce because people are too quick to peace out when they get to the part about marriage is hard work. They think, "yeah, but not this kind of hard work. This is grounds for divorce, for sure." But the truth is that the hard work will look different for everyone. Maybe it will be harder hard work for some than for others, depending on circumstances. But as long as you still have real love for each other and are willing to accept a person as they are, you have what you need. The work part comes in changing yourself, almost 100% of the time. That much I have learned to be true.

I'm not advocating dysfunctional relationships. I'm not saying you should ever stay in one that makes you miserable and drags you down. Life is too short for that. But I remember when we were going through some of our hardest periods last year, and I would ask Matthew if he still loved me. Every time, he would choke up and say yes, without hesitation. And I knew he was worth it, and I knew I wanted us, and I knew he wanted us. When your hearts are in the right place, you find a way to make it.  Gold is only purified by fire... remember that.

*****

The following excerpt was read at our wedding. Ironic that I chose this piece. I love it more today than I ever loved it before.

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth�.
But if in your fear you would only seek love�s peace and love�s pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover you nakedness and pass out of love�s threshing floor,
Into a seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course�
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love�s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

~ from The Prophet, by Kahlil Gibran 

Our first dance was to this song... still one of my favorites. :)

Conversations of Winter Break

Matthew's winter break is coming to a close, and this Monday, when law school fires back up on all cylinders, our lives will undoubtedly return to their usual state of loneliness, alienation, and despair.

Throughout the last month, I have recorded several of our more memorable conversations, if only so that I can read them later when I need reminding that my husband does, indeed, have a soul and even a sense of humor... when law school is not robbing him of all earthly pleasures and joys, that is. (just kidding, babe... you know I love you.)

Please enjoy the excerpts below, and Happy Wednesday!

Jenni: (folding a pair of old pj's) "Why do I keep these? I don't even like them and they are so old and gross. I'm throwing them away."

Matthew: "Don't throw them away! I'll put them in our end-of-the-world clothing reserve. You might love those one day."

* * * * *

Matthew: "What's up with all these creepy elf pictures people are putting on Facebook?"

Jenni: (explains the Elf on a Shelf phenomenon.)

Matthew: "We should get an elf and Barbie doll and post pictures of them banging."

* * * * *

Jenni: "You've been using lots of new big words since going to law school."

Matthew: "I do not believe that to be true."

Jenni: "Yesterday you said analogous."

Matthew: "That is erroneous!"

* * * * *

Jenni: "Did you know I've been recording* our conversations for use on a future blog post? Would you like to hear what I have so far?"

Matthew: "Yes I would. Especially since it's illegal to record my words without my consent. You are in violation of federal wire tapping laws, and I could punish you severely."

*note: I meant I have been recording them as in writing them down, not as in recording with sound.

* * * * *

Matthew: "Is there any chance you'll be entering the PMS stage while on our trip?"

Jenni: "No. And even if I was, I maintain that you have full control of the situation by how you treat me during that time."

Matthew: "That is ridiculous. Your PMS is not my problem."

(debate over the factuality of this statement ensues, Matthew maintaining that my PMS is not his problem and he shouldn't have to do anything different during this time; rather, I should control my emotions.)

Jenni: "I am unwavering in my position. I will experience a hormonal imbalance once per month for pretty much the rest of our lives, and the way you react to my initial testiness determines how far a potential issue will escalate. The ball is in your court."

Matthew: "You are like Obama. You can't be reasoned with."

* * * * *

Jenni: (returns Matthew's 52 page law school paper he asked her to read.) "Here you go, all finished. I'm going to go blow my brains out now."

Matthew: "Can you imagine having to write and read that stuff all day, every day, for every class?"

Jenni: "No, I can't. I would rather live forever in poverty than go to law school."

Matthew: "Yeah, there's a reason lawyers get paid so much. They deal with all the stuff that makes everyone else want to blow their brains out."

* * * * *

Jenni: (we refer to "Team MJ" occasionally to remind ourselves to play on the same team/build each other up) "You're not being very nice to me right now. What happened to Team MJ?"

Matthew: "Team MJ is no more. Team MJ is an expansion team in Paraguay."

* * * * *

And there you have it, folks. Just a small peek into the life and times of Jenni and Matthew. Hope one or two of these gave you a chuckle. :)

goodbye 25, hello 26

Well, it's my birthday today.  Goodbye 25, hello 26.

To be honest with you, I haven't exactly welcomed this birthday. It marks the end of my early twenties, and I find myself scratching my head and thinking, how did this all happen so fast? Where did the last 6 six years go? I vaguely remember turning 20... shrugging when I turned 21... feeling bummed when I turned 22, cause most of the cool birthdays were over with. And then the rest is just a blur. Will that be how it is every year, from this point forward? A blur? 

The last year leading up to 26 has been one crazy ride. In March, someone I love died of cancer. A friend of Edd's asked my mom at the funeral if he suffered, and what could she say? Yes, he suffered. There's no sugar coating it. And I still can't put into words what that was like to be there, to be part of that. It was a defining time of life for me.

Matthew and I have also had our ups and downs this year. We may have this awesome love story up there in the tabs, but man, being married is hard sometimes. I won't pretend we have it all figured out.  Two type A personalities decided to walk through life together, and the line "a tornado meets a volcano" seems pretty fitting sometimes. But man oh man, I love that guy. I would walk to the ends of the earth and back for him, and I think we've both realized that's what matters most. When forgiveness seems impossible, when you have to lay down your pride completely, when you have to choose to see the things you love and couldn't bear to give up. That's what matters--that you'll do those things for love.

I've become more grateful than ever for my friends this year, both old and new. I've come to realize how much those connections mean to me, and I'm doing a better job, I hope, of showing them. I'm learning about languages of love. Loving someone is almost useless if you don't learn to show it in the way people need to be loved. 

So I guess 25 mostly taught me that love is all we have. Love is all we have. It transforms you. Helps you to do hard things. Helps you to feel empathy for others, even when you don't understand them or agree. I don't know about you, but I can spot a love-filled person from a mile away. Your spirit picks up on some invisible light. I've seen it, I've felt it, and I want to emulate it. 

I think that 26 will be a year for love.

Babies and Marriage

photo by Smitten Imagery

Last night a friend and I had a discussion about how having kids affects a marriage, and it really got me thinking. When I get thinking, I also tend to get blogging. And I'm honestly curious about how some of you feel on this matter.

Said friend and her husband don't want children. I see absolutely nothing wrong with that. As I told her last night, not wanting children does not, in any way, make you a freak of nature. It just means she and her husband will likely have more money, more sex, and will be sailing around the world in each other's arms while friends with kids likely enjoy less of all of the above.  Matthew and I DO want children, though we realize it's a bit of a trade off no matter what path you choose. Maybe you'll have less money, sex, and sailing around the world once you have kids, but I hope there will be richness in other ways.

But one thing my friend and I have both noticed (as outsiders looking in, for the most part), is that having children, especially multiple children, seems to so very often equal sadly neglected marriages. Not always, but often. And for good reason, of course! Suddenly you have these Littles in your life that require so much time, attention, and love, that there's not nearly so much left for your partner at the end of the day.  Not to mention mom's body may have just changed dramatically, probably affecting her self esteem and the sexy time, if you know what I mean.  I don't know about your man, but mine needs ample sexy time, or else relational satisfaction plummets.

The thing I find so scary, as someone on the edge of that stage in life but still not quite there yet, is that keeping the fire burning in a relationship is hard enough even without kids! So how on earth do you hold on to each other and your love and the passion when so much about the life you began together has now evolved into something very... else? Matthew and I talk about this all the time. Sometimes we lay in bed with our dogs at night, the dogs you can lock up in a room and leave alone for hours and that you don't have to worry about growing up to be sociopaths or drug addicts or scientologists. Just kidding about that last part. And we say, "isn't this awesome? that these are dogs and not real children?" But then we smile, because we both know we want babies. Little half him-s and half me-s.

Anyway. I'm probably not polling the most knowledgeable audience since this is not a "Mommy Blog" and many if not most of my readers probably aren't mommies yet. But I'd love to hear your opinions on all of this.  If you have kids, do you still have a rocking marriage? If you don't have kids, do you know people with 'em that still have a rocking marriage? And remember, a blog or Facebook, etc, isn't an accurate look into a family's life. That's the very reason why I'm asking this question. Because I feel like I really know so little about how things are behind the scenes!

But if you or someone you know seems to be making it work for both the children and the marriage, what do you think is the key? Is there a key? Or does having children mean resigning yourself to a lack-luster relationship with your spouse?

I'm curious! Tell us your thoughts.

How far would you go to please your man?

photo credit

Now, now. I'm not talking about any kinky, Shades of Gray-ish nonsense. I'm talking about what you're willing to do, within reason, to be what is attractive to your guy. Personally, I never thought this topic would come up between Matthew and I--until recently, when the proverbial shit hit the fan between us.

First, let me premise this post by saying I was inspired to write it after reading a post by Raven titled "I dress for men." She claims that men hate cardigans, maxi dresses, bubble necklaces, red lipstick, and the infamous blogger topknot. While I tend to avoid generalizations and am sure that there are probably plenty of exceptions to this rule, I found myself laughing and nodding my head in agreement throughout Raven's entire post. Why? Because Matthew and I JUST had this fight conversation a couple months ago. Before that time, I probably would have been one of the girls that got a little huffy and said, "actually, I dress for me, and I should hope my husband loves me the way I am!"

And believe me, when this topic came up between myself and Matthew, I wasn't thrilled to hear his opinions on some of the ways I've been presenting myself lately.

Let me back up.

It was a sunny summer afternoon. I was PMSing. Already this is going badly, eh? I was feeling insecure and fishing for compliments from Matthew, but since men don't understand the whole no means yes and yes means no rule that automatically takes effect during PMS, he mistook one of my compliment-fishing questions for an actual, legitimate question, and made the grave error of answering me honestly. Long story short, it came out that he hates my hair in a bun, thinks I look absurd in red lipstick, doesn't like the vintage "frumpy" look to some of the clothes I'd been buying, and he also made several other points that served as daggers directly to the left ventricle of my heart. I did the reasonable thing upon hearing these would-be insults to my "style," and stormed off, stomping and slamming doors in my wake. How could he criticize something as personal as a woman's sense of style? How dare he act as though I should live to please him! This is two-thousand-and-effing-twelve, and women don't gravel at the feet of their men any more! How dare he say a word against my hair or clothes or choice in lipstick!

I spent several more days being furious with Matthew. I was afraid to tell anyone about this argument we had, because in my mind, it made Matthew look unforgivable.  But finally, I talked to a friend about it. A friend I respected and knew would give me honest feedback. I expected her to be angry with Matthew--to join sides with me on my "nail his balls to the wall!" campaign. But to my utter amazement, she only told me that she had gone through something similar with her own husband... something that resulted in the two of them going through her closet together, he pointing out what he loved her in and what he didn't. Bottom line was this: she didn't really care if it was "right" or "wrong" from a feminist's perspective. She wanted to please him, and to wear things that he found her most attractive in.

After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I started to come back down to earth after my several days of heightened fury with poor Matthew.  After hearing that something so similar had happened to another couple I looked up to, and their relationship lived to tell the tale, it all became... less horrible.  And then I talked to my mom about it, and it all became even more less horrible. Suddenly it made sense to me to know when Matthew found me most attractive and when he didn't. It seemed reasonable to wear the stuff he loves when I'm around him, and wear the fashion-y stuff that I like when I'm out with friends or in outfit posts or something. I decided that, when I'm around my husband, yes. I would dress for men. Not really men, though. HIM.

Still, I can see how this point of view would bother some women. Many would likely have the reaction that I first had and think "screw 'em if he doesn't like the way I dress or my favorite shade of lipstick!" But as for that mentality, I think I've just decided that maybe this is what they're talking about when they say a successful marriage is hard work and compromise and sometimes sacrifice. And it helps to know that Matthew would make changes for me, too, if I asked.  Bending your own will to please someone you love isn't always a bad thing, or a sign of giving in to chauvinistic male domination. But as a certain wildly popular erotic fiction series might suggest, maybe that's what a good chunk of us ladies are craving, anyway?

I'm not sayin' that, but I'm just sayin'.

If you really knew me�

*My dearest of friends, Kristin, wrote a post just like this one yesterday, and I am blatantly copying her. So here goes�

*photo by Brittney Squire
*wow, two posts in a row where my head was chopped out of the picture

If you really knew me�

+ You�d know I�m blind as a bat. Can�t see the hand in front of my face without my contacts or glasses.
+ You�d know I love thunderstorms.
+ You�d know I�m not afraid of spiders or snakes, but I have an irrational terror of bees, crane flies, and cockroaches. One time I stepped on a roach with my bare foot (accidentally) and ran through the house screaming bloody murder before dousing my foot in the sink� while crying.
+ You�d know I love the smell of dog feet. Unashamedly. Matthew does too. I want to eat them.
+ On that note, you�d know I talk for my dogs, and everyone who comes over to our house frequently enough finds themselves in conversation with Gracie and Cooper. Matthew doesn�t even think twice about it anymore, and neither does my mom. It is what it is.
+ You�d know my number one love language is Words of Affirmation, hands down. The best thing anyone can do for me is say (or better yet, write) something loving, encouraging, uplifting, or nice to me. I keep every awesome email I�ve ever gotten from a blog reader, and can�t bear to throw away sweet cards or letters from friends or family. Nothing makes me happier than to receive an affirming text message or note from my husband, or to hear that my mom is proud of me. Yep. Words of Affirmation. Love �em.
+ You�d know weather affects my moods, big time. And so does too much caffeine. And not enough. And stupid people. And� yeah. I can be kind of a moody person.
+ You�d know my feet swell to 72 times their normal size when flying (slight exaggeration). Surely this happens to others, too? Matthew thinks it�s hilarious.
+ You�d know I hate horror movies, especially gory ones. Refuse to watch them. I get genuinely freaked out.
+ You�d know I love Harry Potter. Oh. Pretty sure there is no one who doesn�t know that.
+ You�d know I curse like a sailor. F-bombs all over the place. I realize that will lower some of your opinions of me�perhaps even make you think I�m a bad person and/or unladylike and/or unfollowrighhtthisminute. But I am just not someone who thinks that cursing is bad, or not in certain company, anyway. I�m careful about what I say around people I don�t know very well, or people I know don�t swear, but chances are good that, if we�ve spent any time together, a few choice words have slipped and then the cat�s out of the bag: Jenni has a potty mouth.

+ You�d know I get overwhelmed really, really easily. I can�t handle stress. I break out in a horrible, itchy rash on my hands when I get stressed. It�s kind of pathetic.
+ You�d know I have to sleep with at least one foot outside the covers� usually both. And I often sleep with a pillow or blanket over my face, with a small air hole, of course.
+ You�d know I speak my mind, and I�m not shy about it.  �Jenni, why don�t you tell us how you really feel?� is a statement I have heard many more times than once from my husband, though he�s being sarcastic.
And� I guess that�s all for now. This was sort of fun, to think up things only those closest to you would know.  You should try it! Happy Hump Day. :)

Couple�s session with Brittney Squire Photography!

As you may remember from the stripes vs. plaid debate and the sneak preview post, Matthew and I had a couple�s photo session a few weeks ago!  I�ve been so excited to show you the rest, because they really are fabulous and I�m kind of totally in love with them.

We had the absolute pleasure of working with Brittney of Brittney Squire Photography, and I would most definitely recommend her work to anyone in the market for some gorg pictures (she specializes in couples!).  Brittney�s business is based out of the Woodland�s, Texas (Houston area), but she travels�she�s occasionally here in Austin, so our session worked out perfectly.

The sunlight in these photos� GAH. I had to wipe the drool off my keyboard when I first saw these.  Brittney did a fabulous job of choosing this location and perfectly capturing the light! And as if that wasn�t good enough, she also let me pick her brain about photography stuff at brunch the next day. Win win win.  Oh, and if all THAT wasn�t good enough, she�s offering SOML readers who may be in the area 10% off their booking fee and print products as long as you like the Brittney Squire Photography Facebook page!  Oh, the perks of being my friend.  (kidding) :P  Just get in touch with her if you want to claim your discount!

Anyway, here are just a few of my favorite photos, and be sure and check out her blog too, for even more pictures from our session�

So what do you think, y�all? Stripes or plaid? 

Personally, I think he�d look hot in anything.  Or nothing. 

Awkward�.

Stay tuned for pictures from my individual session with Brittney! :) Happy Hump Day!